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Dawn,
I hung out with my boyfriend over the weekend. We had a good time. Sunday before I left, he left his phone on the bed to go shower. I always mess with his phone because it has the Internet or I just look at our old texts (because they are so sweet). He doesn’t mind either. I was looking at our texts and there was a name I didn’t recognize. Let’s say her name is Jessie. There were three texts in the history. They went something like this.
Jessie: I love you.
My bf: you love me … lol?
Jessie: lol … yeah, got a problem with that?
Freaking out, I asked him about it, He said Jessie was a girl he went to school with years ago and she got in touch with him through MySpace. They messaged a few times, it was innocent. I was obviously very upset that he would lie to me even though he said it was because he didn’t want us to argue over something that means nothing to him. Do you think he’s telling the truth?
Dear Sillygirl,
Let me get this straight — you were going through boyfriend’s phone to look at the “sweet texts” between you and him? Do you not have the same text messages on your phone? Just call it what it is, honey. You were snooping and you found something. It happens.
It’s perfectly believable that some girl your boyfriend knew years ago would look him up on MySpace and start up a correspondence that would lead to random “I love you” texts that are completely innocent. That’s sarcasm you are detecting in my words. I’ve always said that social networking sites cause more drama than anything good, especially with relationships. But how convenient of a tool they are when you are trying to find out details about anyone.
So, here’s the deal. You don’t really know what the context is behind “Jessie’s” text. It could very well be nothing ... or it could be the start of something. Girls don’t text that stuff out of the blue and why didn’t you know about this “long lost friend” when she first contacted your boyfriend? You can either believe what he told you or you can ask her. I already know you are going to believe him regardless of what I say or you wouldn’t be writing me.
Keep in mind that people get away with what they know they can get away with. If it really was innocent, he should have mentioned her in the first place.
Dawn,
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been off and on for about a year now. He has an ex girlfriend who he was with for a year. We have been living together at his mom’s for the last two years while he figures out what he wants to do. It’s serious with us. His ex still calls him and wants to hang out and normally he would say no. But last night she called upset about something so he told her to go ahead and come over. I literally cried for hours but he insists they’re just friends and he does not want her at all. How can I tell if he’s telling the truth about not wanting to be with her?
Dear Areyouserious?,
So, which trailer do y’all live in? I’m sorry that wasn’t fair even if it kind of applies. You live with his mom and he invites the ex back to the house to hang out and cry on his shoulder. That would be like my ex husband asking me to photograph his wedding. Awkward.
I don’t think your problem is just the ex girlfriend. It’s the entire situation. Unless your boyfriend is from an Asian culture, living with him at his mom’s house does not mean the relationship is “serious.” It just means that you’ve settled for someone who is not motivated to work harder to not only be independent, but take care of you the way he should. If it were serious, he would also recognize that hanging out with his ex girlfriend bothers you and he would let that go.
Honestly, I think your boyfriend likes the ego boost that he gets every time the ex calls him and every time he gets a reaction from you about it. You can share him and lose your self respect or you can get out of that nowhereland and find someone better.
(FYI - I realize that I am not academically qualified to give professional advice. I graduated from the school of Hard Knocks. Ask at your own risk. Address all inquiries to Dawn at braggparaglide@conus .army.mil.)
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